I was recently asked, “What is the difference in being seen a strong woman leader and being seen as a Bitch?”  It was a heartfelt question.  And sadly, a common quandary.  Too often, as women, we feel when we are being firm, confident, authoritative, or bold, we are being perceived as that “b” word, yet men who display the same behavior are respected.  It is important to understand that simply behaving like our male-leader counterparts is not an effective way to manage as a woman, there is value in studying the reasons WHY it doesn’t work.  Simply put, men are respected for being confident, authoritative and such, because, historically and culturally, we expect that from men.  But when women behave in a way that we historically and culturally do not expect, we attribute it to something negative.  The lesson isn’t CHANGE THE WORLD so we can act like men and get away with it, the lesson is finding what our intention is behind the actions or behaviors.  If, like the young lady who posed the initial question, you are simply trying to show you know what you are talking about, that you have a valuable perspective and you are speaking with authority, being louder doesn’t give you that authority.  Sometimes, you have to find a more authentic way to establish your authority, and a pissing contest with a man is not the way.  We are perceived as a “Bitch” when our authority on a specific topic, or our forcefulness around taking specific action, is not recognized – I call it unfounded bossiness – and if the others (often men) don’t see the authority behind your bossiness – it is unfounded, and therefore, they conclude, you are just being a bitch.  Perhaps you have not sufficiently established your “dominance” and therefore, you are being challenged.  I envision stags on an open field snorting, digging and tossing their antlers.  This is the man’s way, and is really ineffective for women.  But hopefully, now you understand why you are being perceived as you are, unfoundedly so (I hope).

So your take away from this innocent question, and my answer is to interpret your situation, your surroundings.  Don’t try to “piss” your way into a position of authority.  Use your gifts, intuition, and ability to “read” a situation to better understand the best way to move forward.

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